Pain
by bla338
Summary: The pain Nessie felt earlier was nothing like how it felt now. She felt empty and defeated, and the pain made her gasp in shock. Seth & Renesmee with Blackwater.


Nessie padded down the hall already hearing the loud voices of Jacob and Leah. Her heart clenched painfully at their excited yells, and she clenched her fists desperately. The two had been dating for years now (ever since she was 2), yet the realization that Renesmee had actually wanted a relationship with Jacob hadn't hit her until a few weeks ago. She could just tell Jake about her feelings and he would leave Leah to be with her, but she wanted Jacob to _choose_ to be with her instead of being _forced_ to be with her.

Renesmee crept into the kitchen just in time to see Jacob and Leah leap apart from a very intimate kiss. She fought the urge to whimper in pain and instead gave them a playful smile.

"You two haven't even been alone for ten minutes yet you guys are already making out." She joked sending a fake smile towards Leah. "I thought you two were better than that."

"Sorry Nessie." Jacob rubbed the back of his head sheepishly and Nessie couldn't help but smile reassuringly at him.

"It's OK." No it wasn't. "I'm used to it by now." She wasn't. "We all know that you guys are desperately in love."

"I'm glad you understand." Leah replied sending Nessie a sincere smile that almost made the half-vampire feel guilty for her feelings over Jake… _almost_. "I was worried that you would be upset over it."

Nessie grinned hoping that it looked sincere. "Nah. You guys were clearly meant to be together. Me and Jake are just friends."

"Nessie have I told you how much I loved you?"

"Yeah I love you too, Jacob." Nessie bit her lip immediately after she spoke. She had told Jake she loved him before, but she never meant it like how she did then. She loved him so much it was painful, and he would never know.

"Besides, we have a big announcement to make, and Jacob decided to let you know first." Leah grabbed Jacob's hand, and he sent her a reassuring smile that made Nessie's stomach lurch. The two of them looked at each for a moment before Leah took a deep breath. "Jacob and I are getting married."

The pain Nessie felt earlier was nothing like how it felt now. It felt like someone had reached their hand into her chest and ripped her heart out of it. She felt empty and defeated, and the pain made her gasp in shock. Her eyes widened as she stared at the two wolves in front of her, immediately Jacob frowned.

"Nessie?" He let go of Leah's of hand and moved to stand in front of Renesmee. "Are you OK? Is there something wrong?"

Yes! Everything was wrong! How could something be right when Jacob was marrying Leah!

"No, everything's OK." She whispered struggling to catch her breath. "I'm just surprised." When she saw Jacob's skeptical look she waved him off. "Jacob, I'm fine, really! I was just shocked to hear that you finally asked Leah to marry you."

"But you're OK with it, right?" Leah asked nervously.

Renesmee had never seen the older woman nervous, but she could understand her fear. Her first fiancé left her for her cousin because of an imprint, and now all it would take to cancel the wedding was one word from Renesmee. But was she that bad of a person to deny Leah her chance at happiness. Sure, she loved Jacob, and she wanted to be with him, but she wasn't willing to explain her feelings if it meant Leah getting hurt.

"Of course I am!" Nessie smiled again for Leah making sure to look extra sincere. "When do you guys plan on having the wedding? Will it be on the reservation? Do you know what type of theme you want? Maybe Alice can plan it?"

The fake enthusiasm Nessie placed into her questions was enough to satisfy Jacob and Leah, and the she-wolf visibly relaxed.

"I'm not too sure about any of the wedding plans except that it will on First Beach." Leah rolled her eyes dramatically. "I know the Pack will probably agree to allow your family to attend."

"That's great." Renesmee leaned on the table for support in fear that she would collapse from the pain that was assaulting her chest.

"Do you think that Alice would be OK with planning it?"Leah asked fiddling with the hem of her shorts. "I was thinking about having in June since that was when we're expected to have the best weather."

"I'm sure she'd love to plan a summer beach wedding. It's been a while since she last planned a wedding."

"I'm just glad you're OK with this." Jacob sighed wrapping his arms around Leah's waist. "I don't know what I'd do if you weren't."

Renesmee forced another smile on her face. She would have to fake being happy with only being friends with Jake. Right now her opinion wasn't important; Leah's happiness was.

* * *

"Hey," Seth greeted Renesmee with a happy smile immediately crushing her tiny frame to his larger one. He buried his face in her hair like always and inhaled deeply. "I haven't seen you in a while. Sorry I'm late, but Ma and Charlie wanted to talk to me about my plans for the future."

Renesmee laughed at Seth's facial expression. "It's OK. I've been missing you too much to even bother being upset with you. Perhaps I'll call you tomorrow to be upset."

"Tomorrow sounds good." Seth murmured as he pulled away from Renesmee. "But for right now let's focus on tonight. I've got Nightmare of the Living Dead, Scream, and Final Destination 4 for our entertainment."

"You've picked all the good movies." Renesmee commented dryly. "I've got Saw VI and the Grudge."

"I've already seen The Grudge." Seth replied moving to the Cullen's massive sofa. "Plus I heard that Saw was a pretty shitty movie." He smiled at Renesmee's disappointed facial expression, and gestured for her to sit by him.

"You always deny my movies." She complained as she curled up next to him.

"It's not my fault you have horrible taste." He teased lightly flicking her nose. She stuck her tongue out at him, and he frowned playfully. "Who do you think you are to flick your tongue out at me? Silly child, I am Seth the almighty and powerful. Bow down to me."

"I bow to no one but myself!" Nessie cried playing along.

"Oh but you will bow to me." Without warning Seth had flipped Nessie on her back and began tickling her relentlessly. "Do you accept defeat?" Seth cried.

"Yes!"

Seth crawled off of her smiling. He allowed Nessie a few moments to catch her breath before he pulled her back into his side.

"How are you holding up?" He asked as he began stroking her hair.

"What do you mean?"

"How do you feel about Jacob and Leah declaring their eternal undying love for each other by getting married in about two months?"

"I'm glad they decided to tie the knot. It'll be a great thing for both of–"

"Stop spitting the bullshit." Seth rolled his eyes. "Nessie, you may hide your feelings from everyone else, but I know you. You're in love with Jacob, and you can't be happy with him getting married."

"I'm not happy, but it doesn't matter what I feel."

"Yes it does; you're his imprint."

"But Leah is the person he _chose_ to love, Seth! When I want Jacob to get married, I want it to be with the person he loves naturally." Renesmee cried. "I just want Leah to get her happy ending."

"What about you?" Seth asked. "You're just going to suffer on the sidelines."

"If it's what makes everyone happier, then yes." Renesmee rolled her eyes at Seth's disappointed look. "I'll have my happy ending. It'll just be with me being friends with Jake."

Seth shook his head. "This isn't how the imprint is supposed to work."

"I don't care. I just want Jacob to be happy."

"He can be happy with you!"

"Seth," Renesmee moved out of his arms. "What if your imprint was truly happy being married to another man? Would you mess that up in order to be with her even if you knew that she chose to be with him?"

"I guess not." Seth replied.

"Exactly! You can understand why I'm doing this."

"Doesn't mean I approve."

"Your approval doesn't matter. I'm doing whatever I want to."

"What if you don't fall in love with anyone else? What if he needs to hear from you that you love him in order for him to fall in love?"

"If I can't fall in love with anyone else, then that's the price I'll pay." Renesmee whispered. "If he needs me to say it in order for him to magically love me back, then it won't be real. It won't be what he and Leah have."

"I'm not going to be able to change your mind, am I?"

"No. You're not."

* * *

"OK ladies, I need all your measurements in this blue folder and all your food allergies in the green folder." Alice called out to the bridal party which contained all the imprints. "You will all be walking down the aisle with your imprint, and Renesmee you'll be walking with Seth. Remember Claire toss the flowers gently, and Thomas listen to Emily, she's your mother!"

To say Alice was excited for the wedding was an understatement. She was planning every little detail down to the exact shade of Beige that the servers would wear. She currently was making Leah model several wedding gowns she designed as well as making Esme and Emily make sample dishes of the various foods that would be at the wedding.

Renesmee sat in the back of the room watching the excitement with uninterested eyes. Every once in a while Leah would glance at her and Renesmee would smile with fake interest. In her head, she was imagining herself modeling the wedding dress with all the imprints fawning over her. She was the one that was supposed to be marrying Jacob after all!

Desperately, Renesmee shook her head. There was no use in having those kinds of thoughts when she already knew how this was going to play out. Leah and Jacob were going to be married and have children while Renesmee gritted her teeth and dealt with the pain.

The door opened and a tired Seth slipped in the room. His eyes scanned the group of energetic girls before he spotted Renesmee. His tense posture seemed to have relaxed and he walked over to her wearing his carefree smile.

"Hey, Ness." He greeted the half-vampire with an easy smile. "How's the fitting for the dresses going? I see Alice has Leah modeling already. She modeled Jake yesterday."

"It's alright I suppose." Renesmee responded. "I've just been sitting here since I don't really have anything to contribute. Alice is extremely focused on the details she wants to put into Leah's neckline."

"That's interesting." Seth noted after a while. "Has she shown you guys the dresses for the bridesmaids?"

"Not yet. We don't see them until tomorrow."

"Oh, Seth!" Emily waddled over to the two teenagers sitting in the corner. In the blue sundress she had on, her baby bump looked even more pronounced. "I haven't seen you in ages with all this wedding business going on!"

Seth stood up to hug Emily squeezing her gently for a moment before letting her go. "I hope Thomas hasn't been too much trouble?" He asked glancing at the little boy clinging to Emily's leg.

"No, he's been behaving quiet well." Emily smiled at her son. "Sam has been worrying about the baby. The doctors say he's showing unusual signs."

"Trust me, Emily; the baby will turn out perfectly." Renesmee reassured the older woman. "She'll be twice as beautiful as her brother with wonderful aunts."

"Thanks Nessie." Emily smiled gently at the half-vampire before once again hugging Seth. "Well I have to go back to the kitchen to help finishing the cake. Talk to you kids soon."

Once Emily was gone, Seth grabbed Nessie's hand. "C'mon, let's go for a walk."

Desperate to be away from the wedding preparations, Nessie allowed Seth to drag her out of the room. She clung to his hand like a life line unwilling to let go until they were both out of the Cullen Mansion.

"How have you been holding up?" He asked leading across the freshly cut lawn and towards the tree line. "I know Leah's pretty excited that you're letting this happen."

Renesmee dropped her head a little hoping that her curls were shield her from Seth's gaze. "It hurts, Seth." She squeezed his hand a little harder, and he pulled her into his side. "They're just so in love, and I want to feel that with someone."

"But you want that someone to be Jake." Seth commented quietly as they entered the dense forest.

"I don't know if I can live like this." She whispered. "It hurts."

The tears began to fall, and immediately she was in Seth's arms. Her face was buried in his shirt and her arms wrapped around his massive frame. She could feel him rubbing her back in slow circles and she welcomed the feeling.

"I don't know what to do." She cried.

"Just try to make Jake happy; it's all you can do. I'm here if you ever need to talk."

Renesmee pulled away from Seth wiping the tears out of her eyes. She smiled up at him and chastely planted a kiss on his cheek.

"Thanks."

* * *

Leah fiddled with her waffles her eyes flitting back and forth between her coffee and Renesmee's face. The two girls were crammed into a booth in a crowded diner trying to bond over a breakfast. Renesmee was trying her hardest to avoid noticing the engagement ring on Leah's finger, but instead tried to focus on the wonderful taste of the scrambled eggs.

"How're the eggs?" Leah asked desperate for conversation.

Renesmee's eyes flitted up to meet Leah's before dropping down to her plate. "They're OK." She responded. "Grandma Esme makes better tasting eggs. These ones are too salty."

They two girls once again fell into silence, and Renesmee felt aware of every movement that Leah made. The way her hair fell when she bent her head down to scoop another spoonful of fruit into her mouth. The small sips she would take of her coffee.

Leah gently placed her fork down on the table and folded her hands in her lap. "Renesmee." The half-vampire looked up. "How do you really feel about me and Jake getting married?" Leah held up a hand to silence any protest from the young girl. "I know you said you were OK with it, but he's your imprint and it can't be easy."

"It's not easy." Renesmee murmured. "Mommy and Daddy were expecting that he'd marry me, and now they're pretty upset with Jake because of his engagement with you. But as for my feelings, I'm happy for you two. I just hope you're still willing to let me be the maid of honor."

Leah smiled obviously falling for the lies that fell off Renesmee's lips. "I'm so glad you're OK with it. I wasn't going to marry Jake unless you agreed, but I was worried that you'd put a stop to it. I don't know what I'd do if you protested. I know Jacob would've cancelled everything."

Renesmee felt the guilt start clawing at her stomach. Now she really couldn't back out; she'd have to fake being accepting of Jacob's friendship until the day she died, and she wasn't going to die for a _long_ time.

"I wouldn't do that to you Leah." Renesmee forced a smile on her face. "How could I? You're like a big sister to me, and if you make Jacob happy, then how can I protest. As his imprint, I only care about what makes him happy."

"But does it make you happy?" Leah questioned. "We're worried about your happiness too, Nessie."

"Of course it makes me happy," she lied. "My best friend and my brother have finally decided to tie the knot."

Leah relaxed against the back of her chair and took another sip of her coffee. Nessie could see the older woman's happiness that came with her approval and it only strengthened her resolve. Maybe Seth was willing to destroy Leah's happy ending to ensure Nessie's happy ending, but Renesmee wouldn't allow that to happen.

"How was the bridal shower? Sorry I couldn't make it; Seth and I were having a movie night."

"It was great." Leah responded playing with a grape. "It's OK that you missed it. I'm glad that you and Seth have your moments together." Renesmee smiled. "Rachel got so drunk it was hilarious. I can't believe the wedding is tomorrow."

"What do the imprints plan on doing for a bachelorette party?"

"I'm not sure; it's going to be a surprise."

Renesmee nodded her head and once again focused on her half eaten eggs. Suddenly, she wasn't in the mood to eat. What would her bachelorette party be like if she were the one marrying Jake? Would the imprints be willing to do all this for her? Would they even bother?

"Auntie Alice says she helped set up some of the stuff." Renesmee mentioned. "She hasn't been this excited in a while. She wants it be as traditional as possible but for it to not be stuffy. She's been researching ideas nonstop."

"When was the last time she planned something?"

"She planned Mommy and Daddy's wedding. But that was about a decade ago. She needs new projects at least every year and a half."

Leah laughed. "That sounds like Alice." The she-wolf cleared her throat as she spooned more fruit in her mouth. "What's up with you and Seth?"

"Nothing really." Renesmee shrugged. "He's just easy to talk to."

The half-vampire could practically _feel_ the doubt coming off of the she-wolf, but she ignored it and began shoveling eggs into her mouth. Things were easier when ignored your feelings and listened to your head.

* * *

Renesmee could feel the vomit almost forcing its way up her throat as she watched Leah and Jacob dance at the wedding reception. The newlywed couple never looked happier, and everyone was excited that they were together. It was as if the imprint between her and Jacob had never existed. Except it had, and she was the only person who could feel it.

A warm hand was placed on Renesmee's shoulder, and without turning around she knew who it was. The hand moved down until it was holding hers, and the person pulled her towards the dance floor.

"How are you holding up?" Seth asked giving her a playful smile.

"_It hurts"._ She showed Seth her thoughts never once allowing her eyes to meet his. Seth winced as he saw the mental image of what Nessie thought the wedding would be if she were the one marrying Jake, but she ignored his obvious pain.

"That's rough, but on the bright side Jacob is happy." Seth nudged her as he moved his hands down to her waist. The two began to dance in a slow circle ignoring the curious glances from the Pack. "You got what you wanted."

"_Was this even what I wanted? Sure I wanted Jacob to be happy, but I never thought that I would be feeling all this pain."_ Seth frowned and pulled Renesmee in close.

"That's the price you pay when you try to make everyone happy. You usually end up hurting yourself."

"_I just want all this to go away. I'm sort of glad that we're moving once summer is over."_

Seth's hands loosened their grip on her. "You're moving?" The pain in his voice was startling, and it forced Renesmee to look up.

"_We can't stay here forever. We've already been here too long."_ Renesmee looked away from Seth unable to face his grief. "_I thought you knew this. Emmett and Jasper already started to pack up a few of the things."_

"How will you live without Jacob?" Seth frowned. "You can't survive away from him, and what about me? I'll miss you."

"_I don't know. I'm not sure I want to move, but I don't want to live with _that_ forever." _Renesmee nodded her head towards the couple.

"Please don't leave me, Ness."

Seth placed his hand underneath her chin and tilted her head so she was looking into his eyes. The pain in them caused Renesmee to grip onto Seth as if she could pull the hurt out of him.

"I don't know what I'd do without you." He whispered. "Ever since you were born it's been us." He brought his lips down so that they were pressed against hers. "Don't leave me, Ness." He murmured.

"_I won't." _She promised. He pulled away from her and the two continued to dance unaware of the sudden attention they gained. _"I wouldn't leave you."_

* * *

**First Renesmee and Seth one-shot I've done. I'm proud of figuring I wrote it out in about four hours or so. Also the italics at the end when Nessie is speaking was done to represent her using her power to communicate. Peace, Love, and Granola!**

**~B**


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